A picture is worth 500 miles

I don't like Halloween. In fact, it's fair to say that it ranks well below Valentine's Day and Flag Day on my list of pointless holidays.

I know a lot of people who love Halloween, and I've been led to believe that my opinions on Halloween are in the minority, so please refrain from vilifying me in the comments.

But honestly...I think the "holiday" is a waste of money.

I'm not crafty or creative, so I have to actually buy the dumb costumes that my children will wear only once before they outgrow them. And I will encourage my children to wear their siblings' hand-me-down costumes, which will lead to huge meltdowns and endless whining, and let's face it, I'd rather give in than fight that fight.

Then I have to go and buy huge Costco bags of candy to hand out to the SUV-loads of ungrateful children whose parents bring them to our neighborhood because it's a "nice" neighborhood even though they live 15 miles away. Kids who come to my door, ring the doorbell incessantly if I don't answer immediately, and don't even say thank you as I dish out the goods.

I also have to parade my own children around our neighborhood, avoiding the maniacal parents in their SUV/candy wagons, so they, too, can collect bags and bags of candy which I could have just bought for them; but I wouldn't have bought them because if I really wanted my kids to be that jacked up, I'd just hand them some meth and a $20 bill and save us all the fight against them becoming another childhood obesity statistic as they shovel pounds and pounds of sugar down their throats for the next month.

(Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little on that last point. We all know it will be their dad and me shoveling the sugar down our throats after the kids have gone to bed.)

I will admit that I am to Halloween what Scrooge is to Christmas. Boo-humbug.

And now, I have further proof that Halloween is much more of a hassle than an hour of candy-collecting is really worth.

This year, one of the millions of catalogs that clutter my mailbox (did you know that if you try to cancel through a website like Catalog Choice, the company just changes your customer number--annoying!) advertised Halloween costumes (way back in August). With three children to costume, I took a peek. And fool that I am, I fell in love with these...













Now, I am far too cheap to pay the price that they wanted for these costumes, so I resigned myself to the idea that they would forever be the Bono of Halloween costumes: great to covet, lust after, and fantasize about, but not something I'll actually ever have.

This week, Grandma came to the rescue. Grandma, who insists that her children and grandchildren have all of the cutest and most adorable things possible. Grandma, who has made an art of spoiling and indulgence. Yay, Grandma (Note: I reserve the right to change my stance on spoiling when the outcome does not benefit me).

Diligent mommy that I am, I got right on the computer to email her the links to the costumes. Only to find that the website for the catalog that I was sent waaaaaaay back in August no longer had the Lil' Lion costume.

And I'm sorry, but the Lil' Giraffe was just not as cute for my beefy little Squiggy as the Lil' Lion. And Puck (the younger twin) simply has to have the Lil' Monkey because he would look just like the kid in the picture does. He even chews his index finger like that. And I'm sorry, but the Lil' Monkey just does not work without the coordinating Lil' Lion.

So I Googled "Lil' Lion costume." And viola...dozens of sites with the costume appeared on my screen. Or at least dozens of sites that used to have the costume appeared. Every damn one...SOLD OUT. And those that did have it had it only in 18 month-2T. Not gonna work on my solid 9-monther.

We could have gotten it on eBay...where bidding on it had reached $140. Grandma is generous, but even she has her limits.

What I want to know is how the hell all of these other mothers have time to even think about purchasing Halloween costumes before the beginning of October. I seriously thought I was being on top of things this year. I mean, it's still over three weeks away (Isn't it? I'm not looking at a calendar). C'mon, people, give us slackers a chance!

I called Grandma. Forlorn. Dejected. Lamenting the loss of my October love. Grandma called every Halloween store within a 50 mile radius. No Lil' Lion in 6-12 months to be found. What the hell? This is Southern California...is there really something you can't get here?

Grandma called in reinforcements. Grandma's sister lives in Phoenix. Grandma's sister called every Halloween store in a 50 mile radius of her. And she found it. She found what may be the only 6-12 month Lil' Lion costume still unpurchased in the southwest.

And fortunately, Grandma is already visiting her sister next weekend and will be coming home with what may well be the most well-traveled Halloween costume in our city this year. A well-traveled costume that will probably be on for all of five minutes before Squiggy gets frustrated with the head piece and whines incessantly until I remove it. A well-traveled costume that, once it arrives, will be worn once by a baby who will get no candy as he sits in a stroller watching his older brother rake in the loot.

I'm telling you, Halloween is so not worth this.

But the adorable pictures I'm going to have totally are.