My friend iMommy is expecting her second little one very soon. So I have joined PsychMamma, AnyMommy, Marinka, Kate, Issa, Denise, and FADKOG to throw iMommy a virtual baby shower!
I'm not sure I'm the girl to be giving parenting advice to anyone--I won't know if I've done this job right for at least another 20 years. But iMommy has hinted lately that she thinks this bundle may be a little boy. Now that's something I know about. So I thought what could be better to share with iMommy than some of things I've learned about raising boys.
*Always have the clean diaper ready. Girls make a puddle, boys make a fountain. No one wants to go back out into the mall with pee in their hair. 'Nuff said.
*Shortly after your son learns to walk, everything in the house will become a tackling dummy: stuffed animals, pillows, chairs, the dog. Little boys are like the Chihuahua that growls at the Great Dane: they have no idea they're a tenth of the size of whatever it is they're barking at.
*Similarly, little boys believe they are invincible. Make sure you have plenty of insurance and get to know the triage nurses in the ER.
*No matter how hard you try to shelter your son from violent movies or cartoons, he will learn how to make gun noises. It's programmed somewhere on the Y chromosome.
*Get used to saying the words "Stop playing with yourself." It starts when he's around two or three years old. If you find out when it stops, please let me know. This may also be programmed on the Y chromosome.
*No amount of coercion or bribery will make them enjoy shoes or shoe shopping. Trust me on this one.
*The exception to the shoe rule is cleats. They love cleats.
*Also, no amount of coercion or bribery will make them not love Daddy's favorite sport. For four quarters, nine innings, or three periods, you will be about as interesting to him as a plate full of brussel sprouts--or a pair of shoes.
*There are bound to be other women in your son's life. Always remember that he fell in love with you first.
No matter whether that little being kicking inside of you is a boy or a girl, it is going to have a wonderful mommy who loves it very much, and ultimately, that's all that matters. Congratulations, my friend.
Join in the celebration of iBaby by posting your tips, tricks, or lessons learned for iMommy in the comments.
Monday, October 13, 2008
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15 comments:
I personally love the "pee in the hair" advice. Well illustrated. You made me snort my coffee. :-)
Oh Lord, looks like I'm in for a wild ride if it's a boy!!
THANK YOU, Insta-Mom... I appreciate the advice, and mostly, the support and friendship. You are simply lovely.
Tips and tricks are welcome, always... I feel like there's always something more to be learning here.. and boys? I know nothing of boys. Nothing. Help! lol.
Oh, and the tackling? That one I will remember, and remember well... I'll also be buying stock in memory foam, since I figure if I cover my house in it that's the best way to keep my insurance premiums down. :-)
Little boys are the best. Mine is 19 months and is now in the stage where I have to constantly keep him from climbing and subsequently, jumping off every piece of furniture in my house!
I resorted to telling them that if they were going to touch/play with it then they had to be in their room alone. I don't want to see it, and neither does anyone else. It's a private thing-boys will do it anyway-definitely a Y chromosome thing.
Omigosh, this was wonderful. I laughed out loud at the pee and the playing with yourself, um yep. When does that end. And, my eyes filled with tears when I read the one about other women in their lives. You are a wise woman.
If only someone could come up with a cure for the package grabbing issue... I'm having a hard time getting used to that one...
Good advice. After giving birth to two girls we were pleasantly surprised the third one came out a boy. He is far less dramatic than his sisters, but he is much louder. :-)
that was wonderful! Let's see; if the cops come to your house and your 9 year old son is hiding in his room, teach him to come out and be a man and talk to the nice police-officer. If you're gonna throw rocks, you gotta pay the piper.
Oh man - such good advice for the little boys. I only have girls... welcome the spawn of Satan. What?
Wow, boys are a blast -- sign me up! :-)
But seriously, I do have one piece of advice for baby boys that I gleaned from the last baby shower I went to, also for a boy: Peepee teepees. This will help address Insta-mom's first piece of advice. http://tinyurl.com/47nkno
I do not believe they will help for the playing with themselves portion.
Little boys like to pee on you, bite you, head butt you, kick you, etc. But they are also the cuddliest little creatures you will ever meet.
Oh i love this and I so needed to hear it. I have no idea what to do with a boy. Although I've got the diaper thing down now. Only took a few mis-haps. Which is the nice way of saying, he peed on me!
My brother (well both of them) is 26 and still plays with himself. It's the family joke. We used to tell him it was gonna fall off. My other brother never did it...at least not in front of anyone.
As a mother of a 4.5 yr old boy, I have to say that Insta-mom has it all right. For sure. Also, that he will fall in love with you right away and intensely, and you may have to figure out ways to ensure that Daddy gets his fair share of child-time.
The only thing I'd add is that although he will learn the names of all the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles despite the fact that the show is banned in your house, he may also love reading, crafts, or cooking if you just give him the chance. So do give him the chance at those things too.
And if you keep a little washcloth or something over them while you change that diaper it will soak up the pee before it hits your hair ;-).
Oh, and the cleats thing? Never stops. My boy is 7.5 and would probably sleep in his cleats if I'd let him.
Oh, and one more thing - keep a change of clothes in your diaper bag - for yourself! Trust me, you'll thank me later.
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